Keeping my mind busy, trying not to be stupid, work provides some distraction. Dosage of alcohol lower than yesterday but wondering wether I could loose or gain weight? Fragments of thoughts floating around my head but still no detailed plans what to do on July, 7th this year. Escaping the madness, but to which destination. Few days left to drown the confusion, good luck. At least June is over, a month to forget.
Just try not to worry, you’ll see them someday!
I guess it is time for Oasis…again. 
That’s what Jean de la Fontaine once said, but after almost an hour on my favourite bench today it seemed as if sadness was rather flying towards me. Having time to reflect is not always a good thing, it can turn against you when you start chewing up all the thoughts clogging up your mind. I certainly started to realize that something is close to snap/break on my inside which would result in my outer shell closing fully resulting in a bitter person filled with the same old resignation, running into the too well known deadend where I have already been so many times.
I’m simply asking for a little piece of happiness however reality teaches me that it’s not meant to be. What is the answer to the question, why do I seem to be stuck in the postion of an also-ran. Shouldn’t there be somebody who really likes me just as I am? I really wonder wether time does help or not, but I’d appreciate just a small hint pointing towards the possibility that all my thoughts would be simply wrong.
But now I’m closing this book (no matter who might be reading it) for today…
Getting the fact that something is missing in your lonely life thrown into your face is a guaranteed way of messing up your day even when you try to counteract with something to drink. It intensifies your longing, makes you wish you would be in the presence of that one person who could make you happy, maybe even feeling the warmth of an embrace, something you have been missing for too long now while enduring too many rejections and setbacks. Your thoughts are drifting towards the same old questions – the ones you’re sick and tired of – making you feel miserable and wondering for how much longer you might be able to keep up the facade you’ve been hiding behind.
I smell a hangover…
A B-side, originally used and still often seen as a filler for the empty space, something to accompany the featured and popular part. Though nowadays B-sides are no longer of any importance I can still vividly remember the times of vinyls and how B-sides almost never seemed to be of any importance, they were simply an add-on. But if you look closely it becomes obvious that many B-sides do deserve a chance, quite often some of them turn out to be an enjoyable experience when being able to unfold completely.
The idea of comparing myself with a B-side seems to be quite fitting, just trying to keep up the hope I might get my chance one day!
some short facts about me: born in '78, living in Germany, an aviation and music geek, working at the Rhein-Main-Airpot Frankfurt, nickname suhla and hiding here in my virtual lair...
